XMen Institute 1: Welcome to School!
by Rabbitearsblog
Summary: It's the first day of school and the X-Men are trying to teach new mutants about the basic school material while teaching them how to control their powers. It's going to be a long day alright!
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to the Institute!

_**Since this is the first time I'm doing a parody story, it's a possibility that the characters in this story are a bit out of character, but hopefully, I'll get better at parodying stories.**_

**Chapter 1: Welcome to the Xavier Institute**

LOCATION: XAVIER INSTITUTE AT SAN FRANCISO…YOU KNOW WHAT, SCRATCH THAT…WESTCHESTER LIKE IT'S ALWAYS LOCATED AT.

It was a bright and sunny day at Westchester and located in the middle of Westchester is a prestigious school that is run by none other than Professor Charles Xavier. But, this is no ordinary school as you are about to see, for this is a school that is strictly for mutants. Yeah, we know what you are thinking…how is it possible that mutants can actually exist? Well, this is a superhero universe after all, so it doesn't really matter if people, who have supernatural powers really exist, now do it? So allow us to present you to the world of the X-Men!

In the Xavier Institute, not only are there strictly mutants in this school, but you got the legendary, the most kick-butt mutants fighters ever known to human kind…THE X-MEN…teaching kids!

Professor Charles Xavier, who is the headmaster of this institute, runs the school as humanely as possible, teaching young mutants how to control their powers while teaching them about the importance of peace between mutants and human kind. Charles Xavier usually roams through the halls of the Institute, inspecting to see if everything is in order and seeing if any of the students tried to jump out of the window to fly out of classes. Of course, Professor Charles Xavier is not the only staff member at this wondrous school for mutants. There happens to be a group of X-Men who are known as the "first generation" X-Men, which consists of five mutants.

"Hello Professor!" This is Scott Summers, codename CYCLOPS and he is the leader of the X-Men and is able to shoot lasers out of his eyes. Also, known to some as the big serious guy who doesn't seem to smile, which always seem so stuck up and…okay I'm getting ahead of myself here. Anyways…

"Greetings Scott. It is nice to see you up and about," Said Professor Xavier.

"Hey Professor!" This is Robert "Bobby" Drake, codename ICEMAN who is apart of the original X-Men and your average party-hardy guy!

"Hello Bobby! So, how is everything going on in the institute?" asked Professor Xavier.

"Well Professor, the students are behaving well, Hank, Jean Grey and Warren is all doing well in teaching their courses and no one has tried to blow up the science lab on the first day of school," reported Scott.

"Seriously? Not even half of the science lab? I'm impressed," said Bobby.

"Yeah, unless they are thinking about blowing up the science lab at night. Hank will definitely have a fit if that happens," said Scott.

"Well, I am glad that everything is in order. There are many new students coming in from all around the world, so it would be a pleasure if you two would greet them at their arrival," said Professor Xavier.

"Aw man! How am I supposed to set up my beach party with the babes when I had to deal with the students all day?" thought Bobby to himself.

"You can have your beach party once the students are out of range, Robert," said Professor Xavier and he went away down the hallway.

"Did he just read my innermost thoughts about beach parties and babes and threw it in my face?" asked Bobby.

"Yep. Telepaths are freaky that way," said Scott.

"I heard that," said a friendly voice that made Scott's heart rise.

Meet Jean Grey, codename…JEAN GREY or MARVEL GIRL or whatever she's going by nowadays. She's a telepath who's as powerful as Professor Xavier and she is the love of Scott's life, the center of his universe, the one she gets in bed…already, this narrator's shutting up now.

The narrator shuts up now.

"Oh hi, Jeannie! Don't mind Scott here, he says a lot of crazy stuff," says Bobby smirking.

"Hey! That's not fair Bobby!" protested Scott.

"I know. Besides, there are other things that telepaths can do that are not "freaky," said Jean Grey.

"Like what?" asked Scott and Bobby.

"Oh, potentially make the world a better place by convincing people that violence is never the way and mind controlling the enemies by making them dance to the tune of "Baby, One More Time," said Jean Grey.

"That last statement about our enemies dancing to Britney Spears' first hit song is one image that might be seared in my brain for eons to come," said Bobby sticking out his tongue in disgust.

Suddenly, the bell rings, signaling the students and the teachers to go their classes.

"Oh! I got to get to my ethics class before the students start destroying the classroom! See you two later!" said Jean Grey.

"See ya Jean!" said Scott and Bobby.

And the three heroes of the mutant population take on their biggest challenge yet…school!


	2. Chapter 2: Let the Teaching Begin!

Chapter 2: Let the teaching begin!

In the science lab of the institute, there is a class going on where the students are learning about the mutant anatomy (although they might lose their lunches afterwards). The class is being taught by Dr. Henry "Hank" McCoy, codename BEAST, who is not only the most intelligent member of the X-Men, but he is also a blue furred…beast who uses his beast abilities to take down the bad guys!

"Alright everyone! Today's lesson is in mutant anatomy and we are going to discuss the digestive system of the body. Phase one is the chewing process where the food is grinded by the teeth and then is lubricated by the saliva and then the food is pushed through the tongue which goes into the pharynx. The food is then swallowed and squeezed through the esophagus into the stomach where a mechanical and chemical digestion begins which creates a soup like fluid that is freed into the small intestine and…

Hank then starts hearing some retching noises in the classroom as the students' stomachs seem to be upsetting them at this moment.

"Well, so much for learning about the digestive system," said Hank to himself.

Outside of the Institute in the fields, there is another class going on, which happens to be a class that teaches the students who have flying abilities to fly more appropriately. This class is being taught by Warren Worthington III, codename ANGEL or ARCHANGEL, whichever one you want to choose and he seems to have his hands full in teaching the new students about how to fly properly.

"Okay everyone! Today's lesson in flying is to stay afloat in the air. It may be hard for some of you to stay hovered above the air since this might be your first time flying. So, I'll show you a brief example of staying afloat in the air while flying."

Warren then takes off into the air and then starts flying around the sky like a professional and then he briefly stays hovered in the air and then flies back down to the ground.

"Okay, now it's your turn!" said Warren.

A mutant student then started running off towards the field and when he reached the cliff and jumped off, he briefly stayed hovered in the air, until…

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed the student as he happened to fall into the lake below the cliff.

"OOOHHH!" exclaimed all the other students.

Warren looked uncomfortably down at the student and said, "Um, maybe we'll try again tomorrow, only this time, not so near the cliff where there could be casualties that pop up that would not only possibly cause injuries to the students, but could destroy my teaching career."

In another classroom in the institute, an ethics class is being held and is being taught by Jean Grey, who seems to be the right candidate for this sort of thing.

"Now everyone! You will not only learn about how to harness your powers at this institute, but you will also learn about how important it is to maintain your sense of morality during battles and during life."

While Jean Grey was talking, the male students were taking notice of how lovely looking Jean Grey's body was, until…

"And for those of you who think that I am the hottest teacher alive and wonder whether or not I have a boyfriend, I actually do." Jean Grey said smirking at the students.

The students then look at Jean Grey in surprise and then Jean Grey states, "And you're probably wondering how I knew that. Well, I'm a telepath, so I can actually read people's minds, which means that you better be careful about the thoughts you are thinking because I might pick it up."

So the students were actually paying attention to Jean Grey in the ethics class, since they don't want their most secret thoughts being exposed for the entire world to see!

In the next classroom, Scott Summers is busy teaching students about leadership skills. Yes, Scott actually teaches students, but so does every other X-Men member in this school.

"Okay students. I'm going to teach you about the importance of leadership in both battle and in real life. Some of you will have to face dangers in your lives that would involve you leading your teammates or your friends to safety or to the right direction. Since I have many experiences in being a team leader, I will be able to give a few pointers about how leadership works in each situation," said Cyclops.

"Hey! Mr. Summers? Is it true that when you're a leader of a group, you have to act all stiff and boring because people can't take you seriously if you don't?" asked a student.

"Uh huh…" said the students all smirking at Scott.

"Well, no you don't have to act all "stiff and boring" just because everyone in the school keeps telling you that, despite the fact that it's not true and…"

Then the students started looking at Scott like something was wrong with him and Scott cleared his throat and said, "Ahem. Not that any of that has anything to do with me whatsoever. Now, next question…"

In another classroom in the Institute, Bobby Drake is teaching the students about United States law.

"Alright everybody! I will be teaching law in the United States and today's lesson is in the federal law. The federal law started with the Constitution which allows Congress the power to pass statutes for limited purposes such as regulating interstate commerce. Almost all of the statutes have been codified in the United States Code. Any questions?"

A student raised his hand, "Shoot," said Bobby.

"You teach law?" asked the student, while the other students giggled.

"Yep, I teach law and just because I say "dude" occasionally or have a thing for staying out partying doesn't mean that I'm not smart enough to teach law to a roomful of teens. Alright! Whose next?" asked Bobby.

The bell rings again and all the teachers and students start filing out of the classrooms. The original five X-Men all came together and starting chatting away like they were buddies. Okay, so they have been friends for a long time, but you get the point.

"So, how were you guys' first day of class?" asked Jean Grey.

"Great, if you left off the fact that I had to end up mopping up all the vomit in the classroom because the students were getting queasy talking about the digestive system in the mutant body," said Hank.

"Ewwww…" said Jean Grey, Scott, Warren and Bobby uncomfortably.

"Well, I had a great class too, if you don't include the incident where a student fell into the lake while we had flying lessons. Yeah, the student was okay and had no injuries, but it was still a disaster," said Warren.

"Well, at least you didn't have the students suspecting that you are "stiff and boring" just because you're the leader of the X-Men. I mean am I really that "stiff and boring" to you?" asked Scott.

"Yep." Said Jean Grey, Bobby, Warren and Hank.

"Gee, thanks for the comfort guys," said Scott sarcastically.

"Aw, we're just teasing you Scott," said Jean Grey smiling and then continued, "By the way, I just avoided getting hit on by a dozen male students by scaring them off with my telepathic abilities."

"Did you tell them that you have a boyfriend already?" asked Scott.

"Most indefinitely, sweetheart," said Jean Grey seductively.

"Well, I got a story to tell you guys. I had an awesome time in teaching class, but the students seriously thought that it was seriously weird that I was teaching law," said Bobby.

The other X-Men gasped. "You teach law, Bobby?"

"Alright, don't you guys start," said Bobby glumly.

Suddenly, a strange music started playing in the background. Why, you ask? I don't know myself, but we'll find out.

"What the heck? Who's playing "Jungle Boogie" in the hallways?" asked Bobby.

"I don't know and why are they even playing it?" Scott said stumped.

Suddenly, five mysterious figures were walking down the hallway towards the original five X-Men.


	3. Chapter 3: The Second Generation XMen!

_**Again, the characters might be a bit out of character as I'm still trying to get the hang of writing a parody and there will more stories about the second generation X-Men in the future!****  
**_

**Chapter 3: The Second Generation X-Men!**

The five mysterious figures ended up being the second generation X-Men (or the cooler X-Men crowd!) and they have the following members in the group: first up is James "Logan" Howlett, codename WOLVERINE. He's a Canadian mutant skeleton is made out of admantium (the strongest substance ever made, or is that titanium? Whatever.), but he's as rough as heck, so if you mess with him, you going to get a face full of admantium claws, which pops out of his hands at any convenient time. Then there's Ororo Munroe, codename STORM; she can manipulate weather and is known to be a goddess from Africa. Not to mention she is as much as a motherly figure to the X-Men as Jean Grey is. Kurt Wagner, codename NIGHTCRAWLER, is a German mutant who looks like a demon, what with his blue skin and yellow eyes, but he actually has a heart of gold. Piotr Nikolaievitch Rasputin, codename COLOSSUS, is a Russian mutant who can turn his body to steel. He's gentle and polite to everybody, but since he's over six feet tall and very muscular, everybody is probably going to run away from him before they get the chance to know him. And last but certainly not least is Kitty Pryde, codename SHADOWCAT. She's a Jewish mutant who has the ability to phase through any matter and is the youngest of the group and she and Piotr seem to have it going on like Jean and Cyclops…

Anyway, the five members of the second generation were strutting through the hallway like they were movie stars, with Kurt carrying the boom box with "Jungle Boogie" playing and when they approached the original five X-Men, they stopped in front of them and Kurt put the boom box down and turned off the music. The original five X-Men just stared at them dumbfounded and then Scott said, "What the heck was that?"

"What? You ain't impressed by our entrance Red?" asked Logan.

"I'm more stumped about why you're carrying a boom box playing a song that's as old as the 70s," said Scott.

"Hey, it was Elf's idea that we do this entrance," said Logan.

"I just thought that it would be great playing a song that defined our entrance into the X-Men: the 70s!" said Kurt.

"Well, technically I made an entrance in the X-Men in the 80s, but I'm still close with this generation," said Kitty.

"Da. Closer than you think Katya," said Piotr slyly. Kitty giggled.

"I will admit that I would not normally do this sort of thing, but I find it kind of fun," said Ororo.

The bell suddenly rang and Kitty said, "Oh! I gotta run! I got some counseling sessions with some students! See you guys!"

"Oh! Wait for me Katya! I will walk with you until I get to my art class!" said Piotr as he went after Kitty.

"Sigh. Those two are so cute together," said Kurt.

"Yeah, yeah, we seen it enough times to get a side show on the whole romance," said Logan.

"Well, I must be off also for my botany class," said Ororo.

"BOTANY!" exclaimed everyone.

"Well yes! I love plants and I know every kind of plant out there, so I enjoy teaching any subject that deals with plant life. Goodbye everyone!" said Ororo.

"Bye," said everyone.

"Oh! I got to go also! I have German language to teach! Are you coming Logan?" asked Kurt.

"I sure as heck am. Somebody's gotta teach those kids about taking down enemies. Hey Jean! Let me know when you wanna get together sometime, huh?" said Logan.

"Alright, stop flirting with Jean. She's got a boyfriend," said Scott.

"Sure Red, sure." Said Logan and he Kurt left for their classes.

Jean Grey giggled, "You know, Logan may seem rough, but he's got a good heart."

"Yeah, just how much good is he getting with hitting on girls?" said Scott.

"Hey guys! How come we don't have a groovy music playing when we come down the hallways?" asked Bobby.

"What? You want Beatles music playing when we strut down the hallways?" asked Warren.

"Well, the 60s was a very historical period," said Hank. "And so were the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, the..."

"I think we get the point Hank. I just hope my brain doesn't melt before I get back to my class," said Bobby

Everyone laughed and went to their classes.


	4. Chapter 4: All in a Day's Work!

_**Chapter 4: All in a Day's Work!**_

When the bell rang again, all the students and teachers came out of the classrooms and started going to their rooms for a day's rest. The original five X-Men came together again to talk about their day's events (big surprise).

"YAWN. Man, I'm beat. Teaching over a hundred students all day is enough to get you feeling like a slug," said Bobby.

"You mean feeling 'sluggish," said Hank.

"It means the same thing," said Bobby.

"Well, I for one and pardon the pun, am feeling like today's events were just 'beastly," said Hank smiling.

"Ooh! Good one!" said Bobby.

Jean Grey, Warren and Scott were then walking towards Bobby and Hank.

"Boy, you guys sure look like you've been through a wringer," said Jean Grey.

"All in a day's work I say. At least none of us went insane and jumped out the window once this day was over," said Hank.

"Well, if I did jump out the window, I would just fly away into Hawaii or something, and spend my days relaxing under the sun away from the commotions of teacher hood," said Warren.

"My thoughts exactly, if I could fly I mean," said Scott.

"Well, I'm off to bed. Better get a good start on tomorrow's "longest day of teaching law to students who think I'm a surfer dude" of my life session," said Bobby.

"I'm headed off to bed too," said Hank.

"You two coming also?" Warren asked Jean Grey and Scott.

"Nah, you three go on ahead. Me and Jean are just going to sit out for awhile," said Scott.

"Alright lover birds! Catch you two later!" said Bobby and he, Hank and Warren went off to bed.

"Ugh. I hate it when he does that," said Scott.

"Eh, don't let it bother you. So, how was your day?" asked Jean Grey.

"Well, other than the fact that two students started punching each other because during our leadership activity, one of them wanted to be the leader of the X-Men group, but the other student wanted to be the leader and nearly blew up the classroom, I would say my day was okay," said Scott. "And you?"

"Well other than more than twenty male students trying to hit on me again, I would say that my day was okay too," said Jean Grey.

"Sigh, another average day for your normal average teacher," said Scott.

"Yep. And do you know what would make this day even more perfect?" asked Jean Grey.

Scott smiled slyly at her and said, "No, but I'm aiming to find out."

"Well, you can find it out like this…" and Jean Grey leaned over and kissed Scott on the lips and Scott kissed her back.

And the two lovebirds stayed that way for the rest of the night.

_Meanwhile…_

Two mutant kids were sitting on the side of the window in their dormitories and they started coming up with a plan.

"Alright man! Once we take one step out of this window, we'll be out of dullsville before the teachers even notice!" said one student.

"But what if somebody sees us?" asked the other student.

"Don't worry man. Everybody's asleep so we'll be out in Hawaii or something by the time they wake up!"

So the two mutant students started to get ready to fly away from the Institute by hopping on the window to get some air.

"Ready?" asked the first student.

"Ready!" said the second student.

"Let's go!" and both of the students started flying away towards the field until they hit a huge force field surrounding the school and were bounced back towards the Institute.

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed both the students and they fell through the window they just flew out of and landed squarely in their beds.

"Whoa man! What the heck was that?" asked the first student.

"I don't know! But whatever it was we sure as heck ain't getting out of here!" yelped the second student.

In the shadows in the hallway, a man in a wheelchair was watching the two students fall back into their beds and he said to himself, "And that my children, is how you do things around here." He smiled to himself and left the hallway to go to bed.

Oh Professor Xavier you sly devil!


End file.
